“Would you just shut up already”…..This is what I scream in my head every time my husband, Lamar, has had too much to drink or has had a long day and is extremely tired. Now, I know this sounds a little mean and heartless but anyone that has had to endure the agony of hearing a loved one snore knows exactly what I’m talking about. Not only is it a nuisance but it can seriously begin to take its toll on you after a while. The sound of your significant other snoring to their hearts content as if being led by the conductor of an orchestra is disheartening and isn’t a night at the symphony at all. Music to your ears it is not.

In fact, it makes you want to pull your hair out or worse  can make you feel like you want to cause physical harm to your loved one just so that they can shut up. The snoring as annoying as it is, sounds like the high-pitched noise a tea kettle makes once the water has boiled or like a horse that has choked on cat and can’t regurgitate it. Either way, it is very unpleasant to hear.

Thankfully for me, Lamar’s snoring  happens infrequently and mostly during the  times mentioned above but there are people that have to live with this on a day-to-day basis (i.e. my sister). How she does it is beyond me. My brother-in-law’s snoring is so bad that one time when he and my sister spent the weekend at my home, I could here him snoring across the hall in the guest room and both their door and my bedroom door were closed. He sounded like a hyena giving birth. If my husband snored like he does we’d definitely be sleeping in different rooms. However, my husband’s snoring happens few and far between. On the few occasions that Lamar does snore there are a few techniques that I employ to try to get him to stop:

First, I’ll start by slightly nudging him on his side or his stomach. This technique isn’t very effective as it only stops the snoring for a minute or two and isn’t enough to allow me to sleep soundly through the night. Needless to say he gets more than his share  of nudges.

Secondly, if my nudging attempts prove to be unsuccessful then I’ll proceed to grab his nose. I’ll grab his nose between my index finger and thumb and hold it for about 5 seconds until he tries to catch his breath and then I’ll let it go.  I don’t suggest doing this because if you’re not experienced at nose holding you may hold the other person’s nose too long and prevent him/her from breathing altogether. So kids, don’t try this at home. This technique works some of the time but it still doesn’t stop him completely from snoring.

Lastly, after my first 2 attempts fail I ultimately wake him up and force him to sleep on his side. For whatever medical reason not known to me the snoring is at it’s worse when he is sleeping on his back. Once I get him to sleep on his side 9 out of 10 times the snoring will stop.

I decided to write this post because as I sat in my dining room trying to write a few pages of my novel-in-progress I found my concentration broken by the loud and annoying sound of my husband snoring. As I sat there trying to write all I could think was “Would you just shut up already”. It’s not the best thought a wife should have of her husband but hey it’s how I felt at the time. I’m sure that most of you have felt like telling your significant other at one time or another to just shut up…whether it was from the sound of them snoring or from talking too much while the game or your favorite show is on this is a sentiment that we have all experience. If you’ve ever felt the same way leave me a comment and share your story I’d love to hear it…now back to my writing♥

*This was originally posted January 2010*