I used to see you through rose colored lenses.
Red, blue, green, like the primary colors of a rainbow.
Beauty that could only be expressed as the child birthed from the seeds that were planted in my heart.
For me, you defined love
It was pure, innocent, like a baby’s laugh or like snowflakes in winter falling on my face.
You were perfect…
Always waiting with open arms and I knew that your love resided on your finger tips.
All I had to do was reach out and grab your hand
I used to follow you around aimlessly, a silly little kid
Lost, trying to find my way in you
Chasing you, not knowing what was in store
And it was easy to get lost in the cracks and crevices of your love.
With no tour guide or no warning signs on the door
I wanted to be with you at all costs
I used to hear your song outside my bedroom window
And like a lovebird you would serenade me with your melody
Only the sound was not as sweet
It was modern day warfare and my ears can never forget the echoes
as you claimed another victory to hang on your wall of fallen soldiers.
I use to walk your mean streets
Armored with nothing more than my hopes and my dreams
Investing all I had in your false prophecy
All’s fair in love and war and you held no prisoners
I remember thinking that I’d never leave you
And I wasn’t sure why I loved you so much
I had front row seats to the pain and destruction you could bring
Drugs, sex, poverty,
Broken promises and broken dreams
Babies crying, mothers trying, fathers dying
You had a piece of each
And me, well, I guess I was foolish and young and naïve
Plus you were a master at deceit
You disguised yourself as love
Covered up in jewels and fancy things
Blinding us all with temporary pleasures
Like money, cars, clothes
10 year old boys working the corners
Just so that they can cop the newest pair of Jordans
Trying to keep up with the Martinez’s, the Torres’, and don’t forget the Jones’.
I saw uncles, cousins, and friends chase after you like a $2 whore
And you? You were always waiting more than happy to oblige
With legs wide open ready to give them exactly what they were looking for.
You broke up happy homes and left families torn in pieces
You were self-destruction, misguided, and unappealing
It was then that I slowly began to see that you were a fraud, a con, a schemer, full of deception and lies.
You were not at all as you portrayed yourself to be
You weren’t love you were hate, self-loathing, and devastation and where I once saw a rainbow
was nothing but a mirage washed away like sand that washes into the shore.
Washed away like a prostitute who washes away every trace of her last client at the end of a long night
Señora de madrugada, washing away his scent
but unable to wash away the feelings of disgust, shame, and guilt.
Just like her, you fooled me into giving you my heart.
But now, today, I take it back.
I’m not gonna let you break me down like you did the rest
You won’t give me the worst of you when I’m at my best
I am beautiful, confident, educated all the things you said I could never be
I finally opened up my eyes to your duplicity
So I stopped chasing an illusion and started chasing a dream
One that was colored with what I wanted my life to be,
one that was colored with my hopes, desires and dreams.