I first wrote this poem about 2 years ago. I wanted to put into words or at least try to put into words the aching emptiness in my heart. Today, I re-read it for the first time in almost year and now that I am 9 months pregnant I can finally say that I’ve been chosen. I am living proof that when you finally start believing in your dreams and start to really own them they do come true.
They say the child chooses the mother
before they are conceived.
They search and search until they
Find the perfect place to settle in
Like 1492 Columbus did
In search for a new world.
Yet here I am…
a woman not worthy to
hold the title of mother for
no child has chosen me
to be its home
life sentenced protector~~
Created to breathe life into its lungs
Birth seeds of hope from my ovaries
that will bloom silk petals of the heart
Beauty wrapped up in
golden satin sheets of new beginnings
Carrying within it a shock of ambiguity,
A soul thought up
Magnificent one, all mine,
A mirror perched
Beyond my reach,
A colossal presence, you sting
with continuity underneath my skin
You are in the ark of my blood
in the river of my bones
in the crests of my muscles
in the ligaments of my hair
in the wit of my hands
in the smear of my shadow
You are everywhere
And nowhere simultaneously
Driven by the restless urge to create
I am inseminated with cultural reminders
of what it means to be a woman.
The woman of the house
Maid to clean,
take care of my husband
and when the time comes
bear his child.
But I sit still and wait.
I am a broken clock
that doesn’t tick
My time has not come.
I have not been chosen
to miss those cycles
of the moon rising within
My womb weeps blood tears,
the months the shards of grief begin
flowing through me and out of me
iridescent stem of womanhood.
For the sea of faith,
was too once full
I see you behind
a thin-walled glass veneer of time.
Not meant to be, not born
Yet omnipresent, brown-eyed, laughing,
blowing caramel kisses in the wind.
Above the air I breathe
finally release their pain
ragged currents flow down my cheeks
all of your beauty, has come to an end
I solemnly mourn the death of a dream
Because the nature of life has made it so.
Click on the link for video of me reciting this poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WtOgC6-_P4