On finding “the one”


Finding The One

Some people spend a lifetime searching for “the one”. Not realizing that you don’t just find that kind of love. You create that kind of love through years and years of respect, commitment, trust, communication and growth. You grow into what you expect from your ideal partner. You become that which you want to have in your life. You marry the person who will grow with you and challenge you to become the very best version of yourself.  But that doesn’t happen overnight. You have to be willing to put in the work every single day of your lives. Even when it gets so hard that all you want to do is give up. Especially when it gets hard.

Marriage is the most difficult, yet most rewarding commitment you will ever make. Two people who were once strangers who most likely have lived on their own,  are not used to sharing space, or money, or bank accounts, or expenses, all of sudden come  together and have to figure how to share their lives. That is no easy feat. Especially because we live in such a “me” society that focuses so much on our own needs and gratification.  

I am grateful to have found someone who has grown with me in every sense of the word. And let me tell you that it has not been easy. Lamar and I have had our fair share of difficulties in our marriage. We’ve been together for 16 years (March 1998). I was just 20 years old when we met. I barely knew who I was or what I wanted out of life.  I hadn’t even graduated college yet. Yet here I was in the first and only serious relationship I’d ever had. After we got married there were many times when I questioned whether marriage was even for me. In the end I realized that it was, but that revelation came with a lot of breakups in between.

Being married  has taught me so much about myself and about life. It has shown me what true unconditional love and respect is. It is by far the best decision I’ve ever made. Lamar and I have grown together. We grew into each other. We morphed into one being and so now everything that we do is for the benefit of us. There is no “me”  in the equation anymore. It’s just “us”. And every decision that is made is made with that in mind. That is they key to creating a long and happy marriage. You have to learn to let go of your old selfish self in order to create the self formed from your union.

All that Lamar and I have, we have created together. We are partners in everything; in love, business, and life. Everything we do, we do not do for ourselves, but for our family. We are one unit. And today we celebrate 13 years of marriage. Every obstacle, every struggle, every lesson that tested our union was worth it because it has brought us to this very moment. I am always mindful of the presence of God in my life. He created us for each other and through that union we created our precious daughter. God brought us together and God will keep us together. Because where there is God there is peace and happiness lives here. Happy Anniversary to me and my love. 


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