When I think back at these last four years I wonder how I ever lived a life without you. It’s almost as if your birth was the beginning of life for me and all the years before you were non-existent. When I think about the journey to conceive, about all the prayers your father and I prayed, all the tears we cried in our pursuit of manifesting you into existence, deciding to continue with the conception process even after my miscarriage, every thing that led up to this day four years ago was absolutely worth it because all of it is what brought you to us. Today, on your birthday I am still in awe of the miracle of your life as I was the day I first held you in my arms. Four years ago you were my every wish manifested in human for and four years later you still are.
Watching you grow and laugh and live carefree is by far my greatest joy. Bearing witness to the little girl you have become and reveling in all of your accomplishments and milestones are what makes me the proudest. Everything else I’ve ever accomplished in life pales in comparison to you. When we enrolled in you school last year and I was afraid you’d have a hard time adjusting being without me and your father, you proved me wrong. You loved being in school and making friends and enjoyed every minute you were there. It was I who cried as I left you there realizing that my little baby was growing up. It made me realize that as much as I may want to hold onto you I have to let you go. And although you are only four right now, time is going by so quickly.
When I think about the many more milestones to come and things you will experience as a result of growing up, I get a knot in my stomach because I know I cannot stop them from happening; like when you get your heart broken for the very first time, or when someone you trust betrays you, or when you start driving or want to stay out late with your friends. or when we have to start looking at colleges and all the fear that comes with all of those things. As your mother all I want to do is protect you, to keep you safe, to shield you from any hurt or disappointment, but I know that is an impossible wish. Life is full of disappointments and heartbreaks and helping you cope and navigate through them is what your father and I must do as your parents.
You are growing up so differently than your father and me. Your experiences are going to be different and I can only pray and wish that you always know just how beautiful and strong you are. Always know that you come from good stock. You have a family who loves you, protects you, and will always defend you…no matter what. Know that when it feels like the entire world is against you home is where you can always return to feel loved and be safe. Always trust your instincts. Treat others with the same kindness and respect that you expect for yourself and those you love. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or for injustices. Mommy and daddy will always, ALWAYS have your back. You can bank on that.
When I think about the little girl you are I can’t help but revel in knowing that even now, at your very young age, you are such a confident little girl. You are outspoken, opinionated, and are not afraid to question authority (I’m really not too proud of this right now, but it will come in handy as you get older). Additionally, you are kind, affectionate, and funny. You love spending time with your family. You love working on puzzles. You are the absolute best big sister I’ve ever seen. You take care of and protect Alexah just like a big sister should. You are helpful in so many ways. I am completely amazed at how incredibly mature you are for four years old. In a word, you are absolutely amazing and I want you to always remember that no one can make you feel inferior or less than unless you give them the power to do so. Never ever give anyone that much power over you. Protect your heart and spirit always baby girl. Mommy and daddy love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. Happy Birthday ♥
One thought on “The Mamí Chronicles: A Letter to My Daughter on Her 4th Birthday”
Lovely post! Your daughter is beautiful. 🙂