Like with most of my blog posts, they usually come about because of conversations that I have with others. Today one of my Twitter followers asked me what my thoughts were about people in unhealthy relationships. Specifically, she has a friend that is in an unhealthy relationship who just recently accepted a marriage proposal from her boyfriend. He proposed all in an effort to “make things better”. I am not privy to all of the details or specifics of the relationship but I told her that if the relationship isn’t healthy getting married isn’t going to make things better. Marriage is hard work for a healthy relationship so if the relationship is already rocky getting married isn’t going to fix the problems that exist. More often than not, it will exacerbate them. After my communication with my twitter friend, I started to think about unhealthy relationships and at what point does one decide that they’ve had enough.
Back in the 90’s Mary J. Blige sang about love without a limit. I loved this song. She sang about giving all her love, sacrificing and doing whatever she needed to make her man happy. I can agree with this if the man is also doing the same for his woman. However, it is very rare that you find relationships that are truly 50:50. More often than not one person always gives more than the other. Traditonally it is the woman but there are times when it is the man.
I gave him everything and he still didn’t appreciate me,” is a story I’ve heard over and over again from women. I know exactly what they mean. I’ve certainly felt that way myself at times.
“I would give her anything she wants, but it just doesn’t seem to do any good. She takes my presents, thanks me, tells me I’m a nice guy, but it’s never enough.” It’s a story I’ve heard over and over again from men. He gives, gives, gives. She takes, takes, takes. And in the end you end up with nothing.
Then there are those situations when one of the individuals in the relationship is loving and sacrificing their all, while the other is out sleeping around, disrespecting their significant other, undermining them, using them for monetary purposes or using them for sex all because they know that they can. The one being used allows these things to happen because they are “in love” and most times have convinced themselves that although they are being mistreated they believe that their partner really does love them. When one truly loves another person they don’t do or say things that will hurt the other person, take them for granted, or disrespect them. Plain and simple.
When it comes to love there certainly is a limit you just have to know when enough is enough. When you’re in love wanting to give your partner your all seems natural and even somewhat pleasurable. After all, when you’re in love aren’t you supposed to do lots for your loved one, and enjoy it? Aren’t you supposed to give your all?
No. You’re not. You can’t give so much of yourself that you lose yourself in the process especially if your relationship is unhealthy. Relationships consist of 2 people and both should be giving as well as receiving. People tend to lose themselves when they’re in love but loving someone more than you love yourself isn’t healthy.
Furthermore, you should want someone that loves and cherishes you as much as you love and cherish them. These people do exist but you have to believe that you deserve it and you have to set limits. You can not allow a person to mistreat you; not even once. Let them know that it’s unacceptable and be firm about it.
It’s human nature to test boundaries and see how much one can get away with. If you allow them to mistreat you, they will. Know your worth and settle for nothing but the best. Some people allow their significant others to keep them in check, constantly disrespect , then show no regret. Don’t be one of those individuals, let them know that there’s a limit to your love!♥