Hello my little hartbreakers it’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog post and I apologize for being gone for so long but I’m back and I have something on my mind that I want to share with you all. In my 32 years of living I have had many friends. I don’t want to use the term friend lightly because I truly feel that not everyone is worthy of being called a friend. However, from my perspective,I have had many friends each at different periods in my life. My childhood friends, weren’t the same as my junior high school friends, and my jhs friends weren’t the same as my high school friends, and etc. etc. etc. The point is that although my friends may have changed throughout my life every person that I have ever considered a friend was always very important to me at the time. Sometimes people change, outgrow each other, or simply just lose contact but what ever the reason it’s no one’s fault when a friendship comes to an end or is it?
To me a friend is someone who I trust, love, and am willing to do whatever I can to help them if they need help. I will be there at 4 a.m. if you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere and need someone to pick you up. I will be there when your boyfriend/husband/significant other breaks your heart. I will be there to listen to you, to console you, and to plot out your revenge on the sorry b*stard/b*tch if need be. My home will be opened to you if you ever need a place to stay and whatever food I have I will split in half so that you won’t go hungry. As your friend that is what I will do. However, if I consider you a friend then I reserve the right to also call you out on your bull crap if needed, tell you when you’ve done something wrong, or let you know that your actions are causing you more harm than good. If you’re my friend then I will treat you the same way that I treat my sister, with a lot of love but there may be times when we don’t agree, when we argue, and maybe on a very rare occasion may even come to blows (hopefully as grown mature adults the latter will never happen). But no matter what happens I will always be there for you as long as you do the same for me. But what happens if you don’t do the same for me? What happens when you are this type of friend but the other person does not reciprocate not even half of what you put out?
Sometimes it’s hard to see that the person that you consider a friend really isn’t much of a friend to you. They expect you to be there for them for their every occasion and moment in their life but give up an excuse when you need them to attend something for you. One excuse maybe two is acceptable but when they’re always giving excuses there’s a problem. And what it shows is that the person could care less about your life, your successes, or what is important to you. When you make one mistake and the person who you have been friends with for 15+ years suddenly ends the friendship based on that one mistake without even talking it out with you what kind of friend is that? Is that something that real friends do? I ask because it’s not what I would do but yet there are some out there that do just that. They de-friend you on a social networking website like Facebook or MySpace and it all seems rather childish to me. Not to say that sometimes as human beings we overreact and may do things in the heat of the moment that we wouldn’t normally do under calm and collected circumstances. But once you have regained your composure wouldn’t the adult thing to do be to reach out to your friend and talk about the problem? If one can let go years of friendship in the click of a mouse can you consider that a real friendship?
When you think about all the joys and pains, and fears, and laughter that comes with years of friendship your once so-called best friend can become your worst enemy. They in fact hold all of your deep down secrets and everything that was once sacred and shared can become the most vicious and painful of ammunition. I wonder if people think about that when they inadvertently, without thinking, end friendships. How quickly one forgets everything they once told you in confidence. But I guess when you’re building friendships you don’t think of those things or of the friendship ever ending. For the past 15+ years I have had the same group of close friends (with the exception of one) and I made a couple of more within the last 5 years. They are all exceptional, wonderful, understanding, and accepting of who I am as a person and friend. We have vacationed together, partied together, and cried together. We have been there when babies were born, marriages happened, and homes were purchased. We have been there for one another through the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s what real friends do.
I will be the first to admit that I’m not perfect. Have I made mistakes during my friendships? Yes. Did I hurt someone’s feelings by my actions in the past? Probably. However, my intention has never been to hurt any of my friends. I realize that every action has its own consequence and so one must play the hand they are dealt. My actions may have ended one of my friendships in the past but I now realize that it was necessary for the friendship to end because it was always one-sided. The other person never really knew how to be a friend and I don’t blame her. Maybe I wasn’t as good a friend to her as I thought I was. Whatever the reason, it worked out for the best because it taught me a lesson.
I learned that friendship is a two-way street. In order for it to flourish and become strong both parties need to be willing to give and take. Friendship is also about compromise. You can’t always be right. Sometimes you both have to agree to disagree. People are human and there will be times that one or both individuals will make mistakes. However, the one mistake can’t make or break the friendship. Good friendships need to be built on strong, solid foundations impenetrable by even the strongest of winds or turbulent of times. I learned that a part of growing up and maturing is learning to accept people for who they are despite their flaws. No one is perfect and if you start to expect perfection from your friends you will only be left feeling disappointed.
In all of my years and out of all the people who I have considered friends there has only been one person that I was very close to that I no longer speak to on a friendly basis. I have no feelings towards her, good, bad, or indifferent. When the friendship first ended there was a lot of name calling and spilling of our deepest, darkest secrets. It was ugly. I knew every thing about her (both good and bad) and she knew everything about me. We had been through a lot together as friends. So when it came down to trying to hurt the other the most, we knew exactly what to say to one another to make sure the knife dug deep. When I think about it, it saddens me (just a little) because of how the friendship ended. However, in my opinion it was for the best as I felt that in the end she never knew how to be a friend.
Realizing that she wasn’t a true friend to me took many years to see. They say the best way to make a friend is by being a friend and I realize that maybe I didn’t live up to her ideal of what a true friend was in her eyes. Hence, why she couldn’t be a true friend to me. Whatever the reason is fine with me because at this point in my life I know who my friends are and I love and appreciate all of them. And to all of my former friends of my earlier years, thank you for being a part of my life at the time. I needed you.
Sometimes (not in all cases) best friends can turn into your worst enemies, this was just a personal account of my situation. Has this ever happened to any of you?
All comments are welcomed.