Faded Flowers

Your words haunt me as they make their way in like uninvited house guests. Resonating in the deepest parts of my mind, etched in my memory and saved for a later date, a date where I can search my mental rolodex and reflect on how they made me feel. But I am suffocating, trapped in the confines of my subconscious, hostage of my thoughts. Wanting to share what’s inside of me but unable to let it out. A mental tug of war between the heart and the brain neither one wanting to let go. Vowels, consonants,  syllables roaming aimlessly waiting for me to give them direction. I try and am rendered speechless. If only I could give you life. Birth you from the womb and watch you grow into something strong, powerful, a meaningful sentence but I am numb, paralyzed by words left unspoken. Drowning in a pool of regret I let my heart flow thru the last page of my diary. Each syllable, each word, each line, specifically & beautifully crafted fueled by every lie you ever told. How you used to whisper in my ear like warm estival breezes dancing with rustling leaves, “baby I love you”. I poured it all out, acquiesced & let you into my life. It was more than just a daily refresh of my time line. Late nights, followed by early mornings awakened by the scent of sweet jasmine while remnants of cigarette smoke linger like lost souls floating in purgatory. Fuliginous air fills my lungs and the sounds of Sade remind me that this is no ordinary love. Temporary joys felt under shameful satin sheets engaged in activities that are better left unsaid. Intertwined souls can’t find their way home. Your venomous kisses injected into me like death approaching soulless bodies. Devoid of any emotional connection, an empty house with lifeless windows, cold and unseeing. The scars and pains have permanently cemented themselves to the crumbling walls that love built. A wilted flower, which no longer blooms, faded flowers on the side of the road. The storm has passed, its last breath unnoticed by the calm that followed.

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