I came across this arcticle while surfing the internet and thought it was an interesting read so I wanted to share it with you all. It’s from a man’s perspective so fellas let me know if you agree with the author’s reasoning and ladies feel free to add your 2 cents too. Enjoy!
Good morning/afternoon/evening ladies and gentlemen. The last time I wrote for SBM, I talked about Why Men Don’t Commit. Naturally the question I heard most was, “So, why do men commit?” Hence today’s follow-up.
I thought about this topic for a long, long, looong time and I have concluded, I have no idea. Well, I have an idea but my response is usually not the rosy, comforting response most women are looking for. I’ll share a quote a fellow (female) blogger shared with me:
Boissuq.com: When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…
I concur. Getting a man to commit is like getting hit by lightening, you just have to be at the right place at the right time. Word to big bird. Let me explain why.
Most women spend the greater part of their post-pubescent lives thinking of the qualities they would like in their man. I’m not saying they’re obsessed with it but women tend to have an idea of what they want in a man because they’ve been thinking about it longer than men have been thinking about what they want in a woman. Namely, because men spend about 3 – 12 months thinking about what they want. In addition, it’s usually when they’ve already found ‘The One.’ In other words, they begin asking themselves, “Can I see myself with THIS woman?” not “What kind of woman am I looking for?”
This might have to do with the nature of dating. Women get approached and men approach. Therefore, women need to be more intuitive in what they want; whereas, men just have to receive reciprocity (Lauren Hill!). In layman’s terms, most men go out looking for s*x and sometimes they find a relationship along the way. Women assess relationship potential and sometimes they have s*x.
There are two additional factors:
Factor #1) Women tend to have specific criteria. Using myself as an example, I cannot come up with 10 things I need in a woman. I can barely come up with 10 things I want. My list basically goes like this:
1) Be attractive……
Then there’s an addendum of things that would be nice to have, like
1b) < 3 kids, preferably 0.
1c) see #1.
That’s it. If a woman has those qualities, I’m happy. Anything in addition to #1 is a BONUS to me.
On the other hand, I have women friends who have very specific criteria:
1) Must be this height
2) Have a college degree
3) Be this race
4) Have this belief in God; and
5) – 100) etc. etc.
More importantly, they wont stray from the list. It’s either all or nothing.
So there may be ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but women fish with a specific bait for a specific fish; men fish with a net and decipher between the keepers later.
Factor #2) In WIM’s humble opinion, women have difficulties finding all the qualities they want in one man. Men have difficulty accepting all they want in one woman. In other words, men say they want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” but then can’t handle this in one woman. As a result, they’ll have two (or more) women for each role. The one they can respect as a woman (the main) and the one they can respect as a freak (the side chick). Not only is this unfair to the women, it reinforces that (some) men can’t handle what they desire.
Lastly, men aren’t greatly impressed or intrigued by the college degrees and advancements in career that women bring to the table. Those things are nice, but if you’re unattractive, who cares?
I’ll end with part of a convo I had via Twitter with @DrJayJack that inspired this very blog then open this up to questions/comments. *Edited for readability:
@DrJayJack: Men will not ask their women to do something that makes him think less of her. He doesn’t want that.
@WisdomIsMisery: Yes, BUT he doesn’t often stop her either. “On my face” sounds good til you have to witness the aftermath
@WisdomIsMisery: Dudes are hypocrites. lol They have a “good girl” they can “love” (the main) then have the jumpoff 4 all the freaky ish on the side
@WisdomIsMisery: Honestly, that’s my point. You cant trust or cant handle? Basically, dudes want a ‘freak’ but then cant #man-up & commit to her.
@DrJayJack: I believe in the sanctity of a side piece or a GF you keep in a condo downtown near the office.
Ladies, what are 10 things you look for in a man? Is your list non-negotiable? Fellas, the statistics are in our favor *HIGH FIVE!!!* but what do you look for? Is it non-negotiable? Both, why DO men commit? Because I really don’t know other than – right place, right time?
2 thoughts on “What Makes A Man Commit??”
I definitely don’t think that a man wakes up one day says he’s ready to commit looks at the woman next to him and says “you’ll do” lol.
I think now a days woman and men are more even than we like to believe. More and more woman have been catching up with men when it comes to everything in life work, salary, as well as dating & not being able to commit.
Maybe it’s because they focus on they’re career and don’t want to have it slowed by the chance of having a baby. Maybe they don’t want the distraction. Or the person they are dating like the post says doesn’t fit EVERY requirement, or maybe the woman loves to hug that VIP rope in the club.
I have been on both sides of the fence & it’s never easy on either side. I just think it takes that right one at the right time for both parties involved to have the relationship take off.
As for the lady in the street & the freak in the bed issue, lol this is touchy! LOL ALL MEN WANT THIS! but once we get it we begin to ask the question ” WAIT A MINUTE HOW MANY TIMES HAS SHE BEEN A FREAK? AND WITH WHO!?!?!” lol we do get a little freaked out. I think men have to accept the fact that if you want that freak then you have to understand that you probably weren’t the first to “enjoy that thing she does” 🙂 if you can accept that then hey the possibilities are endless ; ), If you can’t then obviously it will become a problem later on.
I think the bottom line is no one is perfect. That perfect someone that u have on paper or in your head at 16 probably doesn’t exist. Pros & Cons…. do the pros out weigh the cons? only you know. Maybe the person that makes you happiest that you can be yourself around has a child.. or isn’t the height you desire, or doesn’t make 6 figures. do you give up that person that makes u smile daily because she/he lacks something on your list. Only you know if you can take that chance.
Mike, what a great comment. You definitely had me chuckling with a few of your points (i.e. WAIT A MINUTE HOW MANY TIMES HAS SHE BEEN A FREAK? AND WITH WHO!?!?!” lol we do get a little freaked out. I think men have to accept the fact that if you want that freak then you have to understand that you probably weren’t the first to “enjoy that thing she does” )…I think you are so on point with that observation. Most men do want the freak but then start to freak out when they start thinking about who else benefited from her “freakiness” lol. While most women do have a checklist of items when it comes to finding the “right” man I think that relationships are more than just items on a list. It’s about how the person makes you feel. You have to feel loved and appreciated, everything else in my opinion is just a bonus. You said it perfectly “it takes that right one at the right time for both parties involved to have the relationship take off”. Thank you for reading and for your comment 🙂